I feel like, a large amount of the time, I’m not as good as I’d like to be at communicating verbally. I find writing quite easy – I’m fast at typing on my phone and the words seem to flow quite easily on paper. I do worry about speaking outloud.. Will people think I’m stupid? Am I slurring my words like I’ve had a drink? Do I come across as uneducated? Does this person think I wasn’t listening to them?
I slur my words because of the strong medication I’m on. I take some pretty serious medications for my Trigeminal Neuralgia and, sometimes, I guess my brain can’t always keep up. Some of the medication can make me quite tired too, which definitely doesn’t help! I can feel myself doing it, but that doesn’t mean I can control it.
I ‘lose’ words all the time. Everyone has experienced that feeling of having a word on the tip of their tongues and not quite being able to find it.. I have this feeling every day! I have to use ‘make do’ words or just wait for someone to take pity on me and fill the gap for me. My memory has gotten a lot worse since I started the medication, but I also think that pain flare ups make my memory worse too. When I have that stabbing pain in my temple, I can’t find the words to communicate how I feel or what I need doing. TN can be all consuming and sometimes I ‘lose’ complete sentences!
Sometimes I’ll have to ask you to repeat what you’ve just said to me. I don’t always listen properly, because I have pain on the brain! You would think you’d get used to having a sore face all the time, but I can’t say this has happened for me yet. I do take in most of what you say, but I’ll miss out the finer details when I’m feeling extra sore and vulnerable.
I really appreciate those who take the time to understand my pain, those who don’t judge me and especially everyone who helps me by filling an awkward silence!
How do you cope with losing your words? ♡