I feel like, a large amount of the time, I’m not as good as I’d like to be at communicating verbally. I find writing quite easy – I’m fast at typing on my phone and the words seem to flow quite easily on paper. I do worry about speaking outloud.. Will people think I’m stupid? Am I slurring my words like I’ve had a drink? Do I come across as uneducated? Does this person think I wasn’t listening to them?
I slur my words because of the strong medication I’m on. I take some pretty serious medications for my Trigeminal Neuralgia and, sometimes, I guess my brain can’t always keep up. Some of the medication can make me quite tired too, which definitely doesn’t help! I can feel myself doing it, but that doesn’t mean I can control it.
I ‘lose’ words all the time. Everyone has experienced that feeling of having a word on the tip of their tongues and not quite being able to find it.. I have this feeling every day! I have to use ‘make do’ words or just wait for someone to take pity on me and fill the gap for me. My memory has gotten a lot worse since I started the medication, but I also think that pain flare ups make my memory worse too. When I have that stabbing pain in my temple, I can’t find the words to communicate how I feel or what I need doing. TN can be all consuming and sometimes I ‘lose’ complete sentences!
Sometimes I’ll have to ask you to repeat what you’ve just said to me. I don’t always listen properly, because I have pain on the brain! You would think you’d get used to having a sore face all the time, but I can’t say this has happened for me yet. I do take in most of what you say, but I’ll miss out the finer details when I’m feeling extra sore and vulnerable.
I really appreciate those who take the time to understand my pain, those who don’t judge me and especially everyone who helps me by filling an awkward silence! ♡