I Had A Breakdown

A few weeks ago, I listed a load of health updates in a blog post and signed off by saying my mental health was pretty good. At the end of October, I had a slight mental breakdown and took a week and a half off work, because my mental health was shattered to pieces.

I have been told that I have a bigger ‘plate’ than most people. I can always handle “just one more thing”, “one more thing” and “oh, one more thing” being added to my plate, with ease. I think I can safely say that for most people, another health problem, or another piece of bad news might be a lot to handle and cause a lot of upset.. and understandably so! I, on the other hand, get given a diagnosis for something incurable and say ‘okay, that’s annoying’ and carry on with my day. My plate is absolutely massive. I feel like I’m juggling a lot and I’m usually cool with that.

In addiction to all the health problems I listed in October, my grandad has been pretty unwell with his cancer, so has needed some appointments and I’ve been chasing a lot of appointments for myself too – some of them just little things, like dentist appointments, and some an absolute pain, like the hospital refusing to communicate with me at all about neurology appointments and being absolute idiots, for lack of a better word, about some MRI results. The weekend of my little breakdown, I had spent an hour and a half in work on the Friday on the phone to different neurology secretaries, passed back and forth, getting absolutely no where with them.

Another pain in my face over the last few weeks has also been the DVLA. I have had my driving licence taken off me for vision and health reasons, which basically means a lot of paperwork and few more appointments.. typical! Two months later, I’m still without my licence and I may never get it back.

But the thing that tipped me over the edge was my little cat breaking her tail – I was done. I sat in the bath and cried. I text my best friend from work, my supervisor, that I physically and mentally could not take any more and then I didn’t leave my house for a week! My plate had just overflowed with a broken tail.

I think I just needed to reset, because I’m back to a good mental state now. Evie is well – completely healed and happy. My appointments have been distributed evenly over the next few weeks, to avoid having too much on my plate at one time. I have pretty much given up with the DVLA, so that isn’t causing me any stress at all.

Of course, not everything is smooth sailing. My grandad needs surgery in the next few weeks on his head. I have appointments to sort out, always. I’m obviously still really unwell and, obviously again, always in pain! But I definitely feel like I can cope with my hand now, after taking a week off to do absolutely nothing.

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